Yes! It Happens to Us Too: How the Youth Experience Sexism

The school day had just ended for eighth-grader Katherine Garcia as she waited for her mother to take her home. Since she was running late, Garcia decided to go to a food stand down the street with her three guy friends.

After buying a bag of chips, Garcia was headed back with her friends when one of them snatched the bag of chips away from her. She chased him all the way back to the schoolyard where several teachers were standing and staring at what unfolded.

One of the teachers gave her a contemptuous look and seconds later told her she shouldn’t hang out with all those guys.

“She would tell me stuff [about] how it’s ‘not proper,’ ‘it doesn’t look right,’ I shouldn’t be doing it, and it makes me look like a slut.”

Years later this experience has stuck with Garcia who still feels she was subjected to incredibly sexist language by this particular teacher.

Sexist language of a similar nature, along with sexual harassment, is common in schools across the nation. In a study done by the American Association of University Women ― an organization that empowers women and helps improve their and their families’ lives ― in 2016, 43 percent of middle school Illinois students ages 10 to 15 have been subjected to unwanted sexual commentary, while 21 percent said they have been touched in a sexual way by fellow classmates without consent. This data was collected from four middle schools in Illinois through a survey called the Sexual Harassment Survey conducted by AAUW.

In the survey, the participants were asked how often they were victims of unwanted sexual harassment in the past year, where the harassment usually took place and who the offenders were. Options included in the given list of offenders in the survey were “someone your own age,” “someone older than you,” and “someone who is currently a friend.” In terms of gender, researchers found that girls were found to be at a higher risk for harassment than boys, and reported that the harassment was usually directed towards them by someone older and of the opposite gender. Researchers also found that “sexual harassment occurred most frequently in hallways, followed by classrooms, gym locker rooms, gym class, lunch room, and outside of the school.”

According to the study, the most common incidents were, in order of frequency, homophobic language, sexual commentary and spreading rumors about sexual activity. This was followed by being touched physically, which included pinching, touching or grabbing in a sexual way.

The study also found that students tend to describe this sexual harassment or sexually harassing sexist behavior towards them as “meaningless” and “joking.”

How the older generation perpetuates sexism in youth

Even at the age of 7, Garcia said she was forced to conform to the gender roles perpetuated by her older relatives.

“I was with my brother, and they would make my brother go play sports, and they would want me to go play with my girl cousins and the Barbie dolls and everything,” she recalls, “but I didn’t like the barbie dolls and houses and all that. I just wanted to go play outside.”

According to a 2014 study on the effect of toys on career aspirations, Garcia’s treatment was actually detrimental to her development. A study by Springer Science+Business Media New York― an agency that provides academic journals on science, technology and medicine ― found that “girls who played with Barbie indicated that they had fewer future career options than boys, whereas girls who played with Mrs. Potato Head reported a smaller difference between future possible careers for themselves as compared to boys.”

As Garcia got older, the differences between her treatment and that of her brother’s become even more pronounced.

“In terms of going out, he gets to stay out later than I do,” she said. “I feel like most of my activities are more limited because of the way people would look at me and say do stuff,” she added. “If I do what my brother does sometimes it’ll look wrong, but it shouldn’t look wrong.”

Garcia’s point is valid. According to a 2017 study done by the Journal of Adolescent Health, when asking teens and their parents about their experience growing up as a boy or a girl in their communities, one of the common themes was: “Pubertal girls are the embodiment of sex and sexuality: Around the world pubertal boys are viewed as predators and girls as potential targets and victims. Messages such as: ‘do not sit like that’, ‘do not wear that’, ‘do not talk to him’, and ‘boys will ruin your future’ support the gender division of power… In some places, girls come to internalize these norms to even a greater extent than boys.”  

These sexist patterns also become so subtle that most people don’t even realize it.

“A lot of forms of oppression, including racism and sexism, don’t necessarily go away, but because they reinvent themselves in different ways we think that they’ve gone away although they only become more implicit,” said Eden Sarkisian, the president of Students Against Sexism in Society.

According to experts, it is how parental figures and older people influence young children and teens that causes them to take these sexist ideas and internalize them, therefore making their way into their everyday life.

“Some of the subtle ways, is that in a family that it could happen in, when there are chores, specifically girl chores versus boy chores and when they’re different expectations and rules for kids regardless of age, based on gender.”… ”As opposed to there’s just household chores and everybody has to do them and maybe they rotate,” says Nacole Milbrook, a senior division psychologist at UCAN Chicago, a nonprofit agency that helps youth and families through counseling, mentoring and family support.

The Male vs Female Perspective

Nathaniel Monocchio, a 15-year-old student, says he was once in a group chat with his guy friends when they started rating their female friends from school.

“I was just on this chat one time and, like, these guys were just putting up pictures of girls that are their friends, that are my friends, and they’re like rating them, like smash or pass.”

Monocchio found the act “disgusting.”

“Especially if it’s your friend, like, no woman obviously but, if it’s your friend and someone that you pass by in the halls … that you talk to, and all you’re thinking about is smash or pass … it’s not like actually caring for them, for who they are.”

Meanwhile and despite the year that had passed since her teacher told her she was acting like a slut, Garcia feels that she still sees sexism in the education system and that young girls still have to work a lot harder than the boys to be respected as equals.

“Like in my class I guess, you know some of the boys will be surprised that I’m smarter than some of them. I would have contests with two of my guy friends in my biology class and they would mostly underestimate me … So I guess trying to prove yourself you shouldn’t have to but that’s the way it is now.”

Garcia’s experience isn’t rare either. In a recent study done in 2017 by Save the Children ― a non-governmental organization that focuses on children’s rights and raising awareness on issues that affect youth ― statistics show that “in the United States, 37 percent of fourth-grade boys believe that boys are smarter than girls.”

According to Milbrook’s observations through her work as a counselor, there’s also a difference between discipline for girls versus boys.

“What we find is that when boys act out aggressively it doesn’t necessarily go over well. There’s definitely discipline put in place, but sometimes there is an attitude of ‘this is just teen behavior for boys and boys will be boys. So fights and things like that, get handled according to a protocol. [It’s] not always fair, there are some gender disparities that occur. When girls act out aggressively it is heightened to a bigger level because that is not considered normal adolescent behavior for girls. Which, which is really more of a gender socialization.”

Milbrook says socialization can cause harsher disciplinary actions for girls.

What can we do?

Sexism is a difficult issue to solve because of its complexity, and tackling it within the youth is even tougher because it’s often subtle, but according to experts and some of the the teens we interviewed, there is hope.

Youth experience sexism because it’s often perpetrated by things like gender stereotypes and adults.

One action Milbrook believes can be taken to counter sexism experienced by teens is awareness campaigns highlighting the problem and targeted toward young people.

She also suggests more complex training for adults who work with young people.

“[So] adults in schools and other settings are not perpetuating gender stereotypes.”

Monocchio believes, “That if your friends are making ridiculous comments then you have to stop them first and foremost [because] if your friends are doing it that means you’re a part of that and you’re a part of the problem.”

Like Monocchio, Milbrook encourages something as simple as, “ … Calling people out. Like I said before people aren’t aware of the subtle things they’re doing.

Garcia believes that change begins with ourselves.

“We shouldn’t limit ourselves just because of what people think, that we’re not capable of doing as much as other people. We shouldn’t change our personalities.”

Sarkisian thinks that “as young people we or you do not have to accept the way it is and the way that we can combat it the way that we can change it is learning why it is the way it is.”

According to Milbrook, knowledge and awareness is the key to ending sexism.

“I think when people know more, know better, they do better.”